Calm

Sometimes is a sad song.... but sometimes not...
Today wasn't a bad song... but it wasn't good neither.
Weird feelings.... some of them happy... some melancholics ...
but I feel good today...

It was nice to see you... I know you're ok... and I'm happy you were happy to see me too... I notice that in your eyes... You were very kind... and it was fun talk to you... I really missed to laugh with you, feel your hugs...
I'm still missing you... but I'm more calm...

I don't want more tears in my eyes

It can't be possible.

I CAN'T CRY every time, after talk to you... it isn't ok...

I thought I was fine now... but not... yet...
Why does it still hurting so much? Weeks has happened... and I don't want to feel this anymore... I don't wanna miss you... I don't wanna be cared about you... I don't wanna love you

I never thought I can love you this way... I thought you weren't too important to me... even I thought I have the control of me... of my feeling... though I've always known that's impossible.

Spring... its supposed to be great... it supposed we are together til summer... it SUPPOSED...
I see all that happy couples and I feel sad... really sad... because I miss you a lot.... and I have envey of them because they feel that the other person loves them... something that I lost.

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Sometimes I think... like the song... what is this life for? if you study... doesn't matter.. you will die... if you work... doesn't matter... you'll die... if you love doesn't matter... you'll die... if you feel.. doesn't matter .. you'll die....All what do you do at the end is unuseful, because you die...
But we cannot think of this way... if we do it... nothing would have sense... and everybody would be unhappy...

The human been always need something to life for... I know I have to do a lot of things before die.. but... also I know that all that I do is for nothing... so I wonder if all that we live and all that we feel have any sense... a minimun sense...

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Today.... when we talked.... I almost tell you that I'm still loving you
but I couldn't.... I think that it would be unuseful and without any importance... now

Lie

Three weeks has happened and I'm still just like the first day without you, but nothing is like before.
Every song make me remember you, I do feel them and all I want is don`t feel this, because I miss you more and more.
Any song tells about us, about what I feel and about what you say you feel...
sometimes I don't want to think anymore and forget everything... other days I prefer to suffer and cry a lot... others I only wanna run to you and I imagine you will be there waiting for me and telling me how much you love me... but it's not true.

At night, I remember when we where together... hugs... kisses... lots of beautiful words and I wish to feel your body touching mine, your lips on my lips, your breath near me...
The way you made me feel... you made me feel wanted... woman... I dream you are with me, you're thinking of me, you're kissing me, touching me softly and how you accelerate while I tell you how much I need you... I dream you really love me ... I'll never forget that...
I miss everything in you...

I'll write down a piece of a song, named "Miento", written by Soraya... (it's in Spanish but I'll translate it, because this is a blog in English :P) It tells how I felt that day... when I hear it I remember everything and I feel sad because you're not mine anymore:

I know you more than no one
every corner of yourself
It's not too easy, yet
began to understand.
For you it was something obvious
I drowned in my sadness.
You closed me like a book
I told you what you wanted to hear
I swear don't cry
I smiled to disilmulated
But everytime I think in you I fall again
I lie and I don't stop
I lie when I dream
I lie with a train force when it pass
I lie for your kisses
I lie when I breath
I lie for lie me
I lie to forget

Give up or just forget it and go on

I've been thinking how try again. If it is possible. What would happen if I decide to try again.

Would it work or it's a big risk? I can be more hurt than now. Also, if I decide it I guess it would be forever, and now, I don't want it for so long. Obviously it doesn't depend only on me. But, if I ...

The other side of me tells me, don't. Also, you can't press anybody, so go on by my own is the best thing I can do.

It's very hard, I know, but I'll do it with help. I hope so.

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I have a cold!!
Damn.... it stinks....
It's a very bad moment to have a cold. Last night I had a party.... but..... I couldn't go because of it. But, next week I GO... I swear... it doesn't matter what could happen. I go.
I need to go and forget all the things that I'm thinking, I need to distrarct myself and have a good time with my friends and someone else...
Who is that person?? Big mistery.... jajaja... try to guess...
Someone new in my life, maybe... you'll know in the right moment.
Or it's just an illusion?? Guess...

I know it

Everyday, this feeling is getting worst... worst and worst awful... What can I do? ... absolutely nothing... nothing at all.
I can't describe it, I don't know if it's possible to describe it, I had never felt that before...
I remember once I felt something similar, but what I'm feeling now is different and more intense, more hard and strong inside of me.... I still feel the same damn thing that yesterday... Why???
I don't want to feel this anymore... it's too painful and I just need to learn how stay away from u... how live without ... U
Maybe I need talk to u once more.... 'cause I don't have anything clear in my mind. If someday, we can talk about it, I want it be frankly, freely, honestly and with our hearts open and ready to listen and understand, specially me.
It's weird and strange when I talk like that... but it's real, and perhaps, anyone who reads this stuff, will laugh... maybe it's funny for u... and in your happiness there's not any space or empathy for my feelings... but OK... I respect that... And I hope u respect what I said.

I'm not waiting for any answer, my friends... but there's something I must to tell u: Don't try to make me feel better telling me things that I already know, 'cause I KNOW, and when you tell them I feel worst... so... just leave me talk, leave me scream, leave me cry... just listen and be quiet... holding me... that's what I need... only a hug...

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*You'll never know how much you will love somebody*